Sinclair (Bad Boys of WildeSide Book 2) Page 8

  I wasn’t the person I had been before. I still woke at night crying for my baby. Dreaming she was alive. I carried the pain inside me day after day, hour after hour. It never went away. I didn’t think it ever would.

  I’d worked through a lot of the anger I held. At least, I no longer wanted to kill Nick. I didn’t think I could ever forgive him, though. I wasn’t prepared to do that.

  “I have some questions.”

  “Yes?” She smiled.

  “Why did you keep Sinclair from me? I mean, I get it at the beginning. Sort of. But it’s been months. Why?”

  Her face immediately hardened. “You don’t know who he is.”

  Oh, so that was it.

  “Actually, I know exactly who he is.”

  “He’s a criminal. An animal. You don’t need someone like that in your life.”

  “Wow, you’re being very judgmental for a therapist. And you don’t know what I need. You helped me, and I’m grateful. But I think this is the end of our sessions.”

  She stood. “But you still need help.”

  “I’ll find someone else. Thank you.” Standing, I walked out and froze. There he was. I wasn’t certain he would come. I’d sent him a message to meet me here. If he could.

  But damn, I was glad he was here.

  He stood. As gorgeous and darkly dangerous as ever. My insides pulsed just from watching him. Red hot flashes of desire blasted through me.

  Sinclair

  I breathed in heavily as I stared at her. She looked so beautiful it made me pause. Everything else faded around me. Distantly I heard the therapist say speak, “Darcy, you need to rethink this. You cannot end your sessions now.”

  I frowned slightly then turned to Darcy. “You’re finishing therapy.”

  She shrugged. “I’ll attend group sessions. But I don’t need Imogen anymore.” She gave the old battle-ax a glare and the tension in my stomach eased.

  “Want to go get some coffee?” she asked me.

  “Yes,” I said simply. I could scarcely believe when I’d received that message from her. I’d left a meeting and raced to get here, then waited impatiently in the waiting room for her, unsure what she wanted from me.

  I escorted her out to my car, which I’d left unlocked in my haste to get into the therapist’s office. I didn’t touch her, although I longed to, not wanting to scare her away. She licked her lips, looking as nervous as I felt as she climbed into the passenger’s seat. I closed the door with a soft click then raced around to the other side, not wanting to take the chance that she might change her mind.

  I started the car and pulled out of the lot.

  “Actually, there’s a park a few blocks over,” she said quietly. “Maybe we could pull up there.”

  I nodded. I had never been this lost for words in my life. I pulled up next to the park. There was no one else around. “Want to walk?”

  “Some fresh air would be good.”

  We strode along the path. The wind rustled the trees and birds sung. How long had it been since I’d just gone for a walk? No bodyguards, no ringing phone—I’d turned that off soon after I’d entered the waiting room—no one but Darcy and me.

  When I was finally starting to wonder if she’d ever say anything, she paused and turned to me. “I thought you’d decided I was too much effort. That you’d given up.”

  That statement took my breath. I cursed myself for going against my instincts and staying away from her. I knew her fears of abandonment. “Never. Darcy, if I’d known you wanted to see me, nothing would have kept me away. I was told you were angry at me and that seeing me would upset you too much. I knew I shouldn’t have taken her word for it.”

  “Cassie told you that?”

  “No. Imogen. Cassie told me that you were getting better and that I needed to be patient and listen to Imogen. I didn’t want to upset you further.”

  “I was angry at you, but because I thought you’d abandoned me. That you made up that stuff about wanting me.”

  “I would never lie to you, Darcy. Sometimes I might withhold things. But I would never lie. I thought I was doing what you wanted. What was best for you.”

  “Imogen and Cassie were just trying to protect me.”

  I frowned, but let it go. I had better things to talk to her about than that old bat. “How are you? You look well.”

  She snorted. “As opposed to how I looked when you last saw me? Half-dead and out of my mind.”

  I couldn’t hold back and longer. I reached out and ran my finger down her cheek. “Darcy, I’m so sorry.”

  She started, lines appearing on her forehead. “Sorry? For what?”

  “For everything. For telling Nick about the baby, for letting you leave with him even though my instincts screamed it was wrong. For not making sure you would be taken care of. For staying away from you.”

  “It was the right thing to do. You did the right thing. I just wished that I’d known you still cared.”

  The relief filling me was overwhelming.

  “I have never stopped caring.”

  She gave me a shy smile then started walking again. “I feel bad that Cassie has spent so much time apart from Wilde. I told her I’m moving out.”

  Surprise filled me. “Really? She never said anything.”

  “I just told her today. It’s time.”

  “Are you sure you’re up to it?”

  She shrugged. “I’ve got to move on at some time. Not sure where I’ll go or what I’ll do, but I’m sure Cassie and Wilde will let me stay with them until I sort it all out.”

  My first instinct was to tell her that she would move in with me, but while giving orders might be second nature to me, I risked driving her away if I pushed her too hard. I wasn’t always right. It had been a hard lesson for me to learn. For both of us.

  Still, I didn’t like the idea of her being alone.

  “You can stay with me,” I offered. I would look after her better than anyone else.

  “With you?” She looked skeptical. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Did she think I was trying to pressure her into something she wasn’t ready for?

  “You can have the spare bedroom again.” Even though it would be hard to keep my hands off her.

  She glanced away. “I don’t know. I don’t want to insult you . . .”

  “You won’t insult me. Tell me what you need, and I’ll make it happen.” As long as she didn’t plan on cutting me out of her life entirely. That was something I didn’t think I could do.

  “I just need a bit of space. To find my feet again. If I move in with you, it might be easy to just let you take over everything. I have to learn to be on my own. It’s not something I’ve ever been good at. I have to do this. For myself.”

  I thought that through frantically. I got that she wanted some independence. But I couldn’t let her be completely alone. My protective instincts wouldn’t rest. However, I had a compromise.

  “I own some apartments. One of them is empty. You could move in there. If you like.”

  “Really? You’re sure? I don’t have a job.” Her cheeks turned red.

  “You won’t be paying rent,” I growled at her.

  “I don’t want to depend on you for everything. I owe you so much.”

  “Darcy, I told you I would take care of you. That means providing for you. Do you remember what I told you?”

  She frowned. “You told me I was yours. Kind of caveman of you.”

  “Well, the suits are a good disguise, but inside beats the heart of a Neanderthal. I look after those that are mine. You might not be ready for a relationship, but I’m patient. I can wait.”

  “Your knight in shining armor complex coming out?”

  I chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve ever been called that.”

  “You have the need to save those around you. To be needed. To be in charge.”

  I liked to be in charge. But I was no knight. And I didn’t need to save everyone, just those special to me.
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  “I like to be in control. And I like to take care of those close to me. I think you could use some looking after. Some pampering.”

  She looked worried.

  “Darcy, are you afraid of me?”

  “What? No.” She shook her head emphatically, and the tight fist around my heart eased. “No. I know you’d never hurt me. Just because Nick hurt me doesn’t make me automatically think all men are rat bastards. You didn’t force me to go with him, Sinclair. It was my decision. All on me.”

  I didn’t feel that was entirely true, but I didn’t argue. If she’d found some peace with what happened, I wasn’t going to stir things up again.

  “So what do you say?”

  She nodded slowly. “Yes, thank you. Although we need a few rules.”

  “All right.” I was prepared to give her what she needed to feel safe.

  “I want complete honesty. No secrets. And if you ever want me to leave, I want you to tell me right away.”

  I frowned, thinking that through. “There are things I can’t tell you.” Would that drive her off?

  “About your business. I get it. I don’t want to know that. Once, I might have believed I could change you. Make you see the error of your ways. I know who you are. I don’t have to know everything you do. But when it comes to us, no secrets.”

  I nodded. “Agreed. No secrets.”

  Chapter Nine

  Darcy

  “I’ve had enough of this bullsh . . . sugar.”

  “Woo, watch the language there.” Cassie raised her hands into the air. “You’re going to make me blush.”

  “Ugh, that man is rubbing off on me.” Bit by bit, he’d worked on me. Even now, when he wasn’t around, I caught myself before a swear word rolled off my tongue.

  Damn him.

  He had me in knots. I didn’t quite know how I felt about him. He annoyed me, intrigued me, and worried me. Was it wrong for me to feel like this? To feel anything but grief? Sometimes I still felt like it was. As though I had no right to feel any sort of happiness. It had taken time and therapy to help me realize I deserved some happiness. To work through my guilt and grief. And it was still a work in progress.

  “How often do you see him?” Cassie asked as she sat sideways on one of the armchairs in my living room, her legs swinging. She took a sip from her Coke. I felt bad I didn’t have anything stronger to offer her. I didn’t have any alcohol in the apartment because I wasn’t supposed to mix it with my meds.

  “I could go out and get you something stronger.” Cassie had come up from L.A. for a few nights. She’d claimed she didn’t want to stay at her place because it was too big, and she’d be lonely. So she’d invited herself over to my apartment. I didn’t mind. Having her check up on me didn’t bother me. It was nice to have someone who cared. It wasn’t like I was overflowing with visitors. Just Cassie.

  And Sinclair.

  “What are you talking about? This is fine.”

  “Just because I can’t drink doesn’t mean you can’t.”

  “Right, you just want to get me drunk so you can laugh at me.”

  “You are pretty funny when you’re drunk.” I grinned.

  She sighed. “You don’t know how good it is to see you smile.”

  “Sorry. I know I’ve been kind of a pain lately.” I sobered.

  Cassie sat up straight, her face growing serious. “That’s not what I meant. God, Darcy. You went through hell. I’m not sure I would have coped half as well as you did.”

  “I wish I hadn’t let me manipulate me. Convince me that I had no one. That no one would help me. Part of me knew it wasn’t true. But he played on fears I already had. He manipulated me. And I still clung to the idea of the Nick I’d once known. I knew he’d changed, but I didn’t realize he’d become this whole other person. On the surface he could be so sweet but underneath he was a total asshole. While I was worth something to him, he was nice. But after the money disappeared, he changed.”

  “I’m surprised he didn’t just take off.”

  “Me too.” I’d had a lot of time to think about things. “I think he liked having me around to vent his anger on and wash his nasty undies.”

  “Eww. TMI.”

  “Believe me; it was no fun for me having to haul his filthy clothes to the laundromat and wash them.”

  “Bet you wouldn’t feel the same way about Sinclair’s, though, huh?”

  “Honey, I have better things to fantasize about than washing Sinclair’s dirty clothes.”

  She started giggling, and I joined her. Damn, it felt good to laugh.

  “You didn’t answer me before. I know this is his apartment. How is it going living here? Is he around much?”

  “I see him most days.” I frowned slightly. “He insists on paying for everything. He even set up a damn bank account for me and gave me a credit card.”

  “Because he liiiikes you.” There was a teasing note in her voice, but then she sobered up. “How do you feel about that?”

  “I don’t know. He told me he wanted a relationship, but I wasn’t ready to even think about that back then.” Now it was a different story. Every time I was around him, my desire grew stronger. I wanted him, it was an ache inside me that never dissipated. But he treated me like I was breakable. He hadn’t made any moves on me. Not a one.

  “You think he’d do all of this for just anyone?”

  “I think he’s starting to see me as a sister. Or just a friend.”

  “What? Seriously? No lingering touches, hot looks, nothing?”

  “No.”

  “But you don’t see him as a brother, right?”

  I snorted. “No.” God, no. When I first left the clinic, I hadn’t felt overly interested in anything sexual, but as time went on, I found myself anticipating his visits. My attraction to him grew every time he came close. His scent, his smile, and the sound of his voice were like catalysts, sending my arousal levels sky high.

  And he didn’t even seem to notice. He remained polite, caring. He sat and drank coffee and listened to me talk. And never once tried to touch me.

  Damn him.

  So while I was dying of sexual frustration, he was as calm and cool as a cucumber.

  “I never thought I’d feel like this again. Didn’t really want to feel anything again, to be honest.” There had been moments when I’d thought I’d never be myself again. Truth was, I’d never be the girl I had been. She was gone.

  But I was coming to like the new Darcy. She was a little tougher. More kick-ass.

  “Then you need to do something to shake things up. Like what happened with Wilde and me.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “We snuck into Wilde’s club, and he took you to his office and, well, let’s not go into details.”

  She blushed slightly. “Who knows if I’d be married to him today if he hadn’t caught us that night.”

  “Oh, you would. It might have taken longer, but anyone can see you’re perfect for each other. Beauty and the beast.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Not so sure about the beauty part, but he can definitely be a beast. He wanted Matt to stay here with us this weekend.”

  “So where is Matt?” Matt was her driver and bodyguard. I knew for sure Wilde hadn’t let her come alone and unprotected.

  “Turns out Sinclair owns this whole building so he’s in the apartment across from yours. I’m supposed to tell him if we want to go anywhere, and he’ll drive us.” Her face lit up. “We could go to WildeSide. You might run into Sinclair.”

  And risk finding him with someone else?

  “Right, because Matt’s going to drive us there, and Luke will just let us in the door. Not to mention we have no idea whether or not Sinclair will be there.”

  My gut burned with jealousy at just the thought of him being at WildeSide, what would I do if I saw him with another woman?

  “Oh, yeah, not my best plan. Well, if we can’t go to the club then let’s bring the club here.”

  “What does that mean?”
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  “Find something sexy to wear. We’re going out.”

  “Cassie, I don’t know.”

  “It’s okay; we won’t really go anywhere. Or not for long. Matt will call Wilde. Then Wilde will call Sinclair; he’ll come chasing after us, and boom! Fireworks will follow.”

  I shook my head. That stuff might work for her and Wilde. But it wasn’t me. “I’m not forcing him into anything he doesn’t feel. Sinclair was looking for someone soft and innocent who’d let him guide them. I’m not that person anymore.”

  Cassie sighed. “You’re much more sensible than I am.”

  I grinned. “Is that code for boring?”

  “Hey, I’ll take boring for a while. Boring can be good. It’s safe.”

  Safe and boring. That was me.

  Sinclair

  “So did you have a nice visit with Cassie?” I asked as I settled on her couch. I’d emptied out the other three apartments on this level and moved Caden and Carrington, two of my personal employees, into one of the apartments.

  I needed someone here to watch over her when I couldn’t be. And I wasn’t making the mistake of using someone in the family again, not after trusting my cousin. Caden and Carrington were loyal just to me. If they hadn’t been out of town on another job, I’d have used them to watch over her before. Carrington may have even found something on Nick that would have raised a red flag with me.

  “Yep, it was good. I enjoyed having her here.”

  Hmm. She didn’t seem all that enthusiastic about the visit. I studied her closely. She looked very pensive today. Contemplative. I wished, not for the first time, I could delve into her head and see what she was thinking. How could I help her if I didn’t know everything that was going on with her? I was navigating a minefield with no map, while that shrink stood on the other side waving the map in my face like a red flag. I was seriously contemplating getting Carrington to hack into the shrink’s files and find out what I needed.

  “Did something happen? Did she say something to upset you?”

  She turned to me, blinking as though she’d forgotten she wasn’t alone. Was I so forgettable? I pressed back the possessive side of myself. The more savage, totally testosterone driven part wanted to pull her over, settle her on my lap and ensure she knew exactly who was sitting here with her. But like every other time the urge came over me to possess her, I pushed it back, buried it deep. She wasn’t ready for that yet. She needed time. Patience. She needed to heal.