An Old-Fashioned Christmas Read online

  Message received, buddy.

  Still, this little stunt was upsetting Ava. And, if Roarke was honest with himself, it was upsetting him as well.

  Sam might not truly be planning on going to the club—he damn well better not be anyway—but that didn’t mean he got to make idle threats like this. Not even if his intentions were good.

  “Can’t I? You two planning on taking care of my needs here? Because that hasn’t been happening lately, has it?”

  Ava sucked in a breath as Sam turned away, reaching for the door handle.

  “Roarke, you can’t let him leave.” Ava took a step forward, but he held her back. “Roarke! He’s leaving us.”

  “No, he’s not. And I have no intention of letting Sam go anywhere.”

  The fact that Sam had stilled and was obviously listening told Roarke that he wasn’t intending to leave. This was to get his attention. Roarke couldn’t blame him, either.

  Although that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be punishing him for this stunt.

  Sam turned, giving Roarke a bored look. Oh yes, he was in so much trouble. “Think you can make me stay?”

  “Oh, I don’t have to make you stay. Although I certainly could. You want to stay.”

  “Yeah?” Sam said defiantly.

  “Yeah.” Roarke stepped forward. Sam held his ground. When he grew closer, he reached out and pulled Sam into his arms and kissed him. The kiss was hard. Hot. Sam fought for control but Roarke wasn’t allowing that. He clasped one hand behind Sam’s head and reached under Sam’s coat with the other, slapping his hand down heavily on one ass cheek.

  He drew back slightly, moving his mouth close to Sam’s ear so he could whisper without Ava hearing him. “I know this is a play to get my attention. To point out to me that I’ve been neglecting both of you. Message received.”

  Sam relaxed in his arms. But his voice still held a hint of tension. “And are you going to do something with that message?”

  “I am.” He bit down on his ear. Sam shivered. “I know you had no intentions of walking out that door but Ava didn’t. And now she’s over there, fretting.”

  Sam stiffened. Tried to move away.

  “I might have deserved this but she didn’t.”

  “I didn’t know what else to do,” Sam said with a hint of misery in his voice as Roarke pulled back and held his hand out to Ava. She quickly moved up to the two men, slipping her hand into Roarke’s larger one. Her hand was small. Chilled. He drew her closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

  “Oh, Sam, why would you want to go to the club without us?” she asked.

  His gaze flicked between the two of them then his shoulders slumped. “I wasn’t really going to.”

  “What?” she asked.

  “Sam was trying to make the point that I’ve been neglecting him. Both of you.” And he felt guilty as hell. This mess was his fault. He was the Dom. He was supposed to keep them both happy. Make them feel secure in their relationship. He’d been doing a crap job. Thing was, it wasn’t even the first time. How many chances would they give him?

  He didn’t know. He just knew he had to fix this. Then make sure it never happened again.

  “Although I’m not very happy at his method.”

  “Talking was getting me nowhere. I decided to go for action.”

  Roarke gave him a quelling look. “Upstairs, both of you and into the playroom.”

  “But Lily—” Ava protested.

  Roarke cupped her face between his hands. “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes,” she whispered straight away. And that tight knot in his stomach eased a little. “Good girl. Do you trust Sam?”

  She glanced over at the other man. “Yes.”

  Sam gave her a smile.

  “Then trust us to help with Lily. We both know you are an amazing mother. You do an incredible job with her. But it’s not all on you, baby. And you have to let us help. You’re exhausted and I know there is stuff going on in that smart head you’re not talking about. But if you trust us enough, we can help you.”

  There was a pause. She looked from one to the other. “I just worry so much about her.”

  He let out a breath. It wasn’t a no. And she was talking to them. “I know. We all do. But you can’t take this all on your shoulders. You’re drowning under your worry. Let us help. Please.”

  “We just want to be amazing dads to her,” Sam added.

  Her eyes widened. “You are. Both of you.” She took a deep breath then nodded. “All right. I trust you both.”

  “Good. Then get your butt upstairs. I’ll grab the monitor.” He’d left it on his desk.

  Sam tried to walk past him, following her. Roarke reached out and grabbed his arm. Sam turned to look at him. “Sam, I appreciate the wake-up call. But I didn’t need such a drastic push.”

  “You weren’t listening to me,” Sam said with frustration. “And I had to do something drastic because I’m really worried about her.”

  Roarke nodded. “I know. We need to work on having her let us help more. And on her communication.”

  “I think it’s more than that. I think she’s chewing and spitting again, Roarke.”

  He froze. He hadn’t thought he could feel worse than he already did. He’d lost control. One sub was threatening to go find someone else to play with, and the other one was feeling lost and trying to control her life the only way she knew how.

  “I’ll deal with this,” Roarke told him.

  “Really?”

  “I know this isn’t the only time I’ve let you down. I can only promise it will be the last.”

  Sam’s eyes were wary but he nodded.

  “Upstairs with you, pet. Get Ava and yourself ready. I expect you both naked and in position in five minutes.”

  Which was all the time he had to figure out how to fix all of this.

  Ava was standing in the playroom, feeling lost. Now that she was on her own, she was starting to question whether this was the right thing to do. She couldn’t just do what she wanted when she wanted anymore. Lily came first.

  What if she needed her? She’d been sleeping through the night for the last month, but what if she felt ill or frightened or just needed Ava and she was in here, playing.

  What kind of mother did that make her?

  “You’re not naked.”

  She looked up as Sam entered, his face as serious as she’d ever seen it. She still couldn’t believe he’d threatened to go to the club on his own.

  “Would you really have gone?” she asked.

  “I’m supposed to get us ready before Roarke comes in.” Sam pulled at the ties of his chaps. “You need to get naked, Ava, or we’re both in trouble.”

  “I don’t fucking care,” she snapped, shocking them both. She took in a shuddering breath. “This was a bad idea.” She walked towards the door.

  “You step out of that door and I will drag your ass back in, tie you to the bench, and gag you.”

  She froze, turning to gape at him. She’d never heard Sam sound so serious. Angry. Commanding. This wasn’t him at all.

  “Sam?”

  “You heard me, Ava. Roarke might let you walk out, might let you change your mind. I’m not going to.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because I’m scared.”

  “Scared?” she asked, shocked.

  “That I’m losing my family.”

  “Sam, you’re not losing us.”

  “No? Then why does it feel like it? You’ve stopped talking to us. Hell, you can barely look at me. Roarke is holed up in his office all the time. None of us are spending time with each other.”

  “So tonight was about getting our attention?”

  “I’ve tried talking to you both. It wasn’t working. I was starting to get desperate.” To her horror she saw tears fill his eyes before he looked away.

  “Sam. Oh God, Sam.” What had she done? How could she have hurt him this much? She reached out and touched his arm. He shuddered but didn’t push
her away. She tentatively wrapped her arms around him, worried he’d reject her. Instead he turned and held onto her so tightly she could scarcely breathe. “Sam, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. To ignore you.”

  “You love me.” It was meant to be a statement, but she heard a kernel of doubt.

  “Yes. I love you. So much.”

  “Of course, you do.” He gave a nod. Then leaning in, he kissed her. It wasn’t as hard or dominant as Roarke’s kiss, but it was no less hot. Because damn, Sam could kiss. And when he kissed her everything else faded until there was just the two of them. When he drew back, she was swaying slightly, her world spinning.

  He gave her a slap on the ass. “And this time I didn’t even have the mistletoe.”

  Huh?

  Before she could answer, he started stripping her. Clothes flew in all directions, her shirt ripping slightly in his haste to get it off her.

  “Sam,” she said with a laugh. “Slow down.”

  “Nope. Not going to give you a chance to change your mind about this.”

  Her heart melted. How could she have hurt this man who meant everything to her? Who always made her smile, who lightened her life, whose happy place was his head between her legs?

  Hmm…she felt her body stir at the thought. The chill that had invaded her body these last few months seemed to dissipate. Her body was waking up and it wasn’t happy it had gone so long without a shattering orgasm.

  He grabbed the top of her pants and yanked them down. He knelt there, staring at her underwear. “What the hell are these?”

  “Panties,” she said defensively.

  “No. I’ve seen panties. Panties are little scraps of silk or lace. The best panties are the ones that have the string that goes between your butt cheeks. These are not panties. These are something my grandma might have worn.”

  Ava blushed bright red. She couldn’t believe she’d forgotten she had these on. That was embarrassing enough, but he didn’t have to act as though they were the weirdest things he’d ever seen.

  “Stop it. You know what these are.”

  “I do, unfortunately. And I think they should be damn well banned. I know they certainly will be from your wardrobe as soon as Roarke sees them.”

  She grabbed the top of her shapewear to roll them down. She knew Sam was right, if Roarke saw these they were toast. And they’d cost a lot of money. Plus, she needed them.

  Sam grabbed her hands. “Oh no, you don’t. I am not letting you take these off before he sees them. I don’t want to risk seeing these atrocious things on you again.”

  “For God’s sake, Sam. Stop being an idiot and let go of my hands.”

  “The two of you better have a damn good explanation about why you’re not naked and in position,” Roarke said in a low voice that had them both looking up.

  Sam stood and pointed down at her underwear. “Look at these.”

  Roarke came to a stop, just staring at her. “What the fuck?”

  “Oh my God, will the two of you stop acting like you’ve never seen a pair of Spanx before!” Now she was getting pissed off and a little embarrassed. There was nothing wrong with wearing shapewear.

  “Not on you,” Roarke said. “And I never want to see them on you again. Sam, get the scissors.”

  Sam jumped to his feet, totally unselfconscious despite being naked, and rushed over to grab the scissors. Actually, they couldn’t really be called scissors. They were more like really sharp shears. Roarke kept them and an equally sharp knife on hand in case he had to quickly get one of them free.

  Like he had the night Lily had woken up while they were attempting to play. Speaking of Lily…she glanced over at the video monitor that Roarke had set down on the mantelpiece. There was another monitor next to it that kept track of her breathing.

  Yes, she was a little neurotic when it came to her daughter. She couldn’t help it. She was the most precious, tiny thing and she relied on Ava to keep her safe. It wasn’t a responsibility she took lightly. And she knew Sam and Roarke didn’t either. For all his playfulness, Sam was an excellent father. And Roarke, well, when Lily grew up and started dating boys Ava knew she and Sam would have to run some serious interference with their overprotective Dom.

  Sam handed the shears to Roarke.

  Ava placed her hands over her groin. “You can’t destroy my Spanx, Roarke! I need them.”

  “Why?” Both men looked perplexed.

  “Because it keeps everything in.”

  Sam raised an eyebrow. “What the hell are you expecting to fall out?”

  She sighed in exasperation. “When you wear something fitted you want to look all smooth underneath. To get rid of the lumps and bumps.”

  “Baby, you don’t have any lumps and bumps,” Roarke told her.

  “And you were wearing them under sweatpants,” Sam added. He turned to Roarke. “Can I cut up the sweatpants as well?”

  “What? No! I just bought those.”

  Sam wrinkled his nose. “They’re easy to get off you but when you bend over I can’t make out your ass at all. I vote for no underwear allowed. And only short skirts and tight jeans.”

  “What? You don’t get to vote on what I can wear.”

  “No. Because there is no vote.” Roarke crossed his arms over his chest.

  She pointed at Sam. “If I don’t get underwear, he doesn’t either.” As soon as she said it she realized her mistake.

  Sam grinned. “Done.”

  “I can’t go around wearing short skirts and no underwear.” She placed her hands on her hips, staring at them both.

  “Why not?” Sam asked. “Make my day a whole lot better. And so much easier to bend you over a chair or table and fuck you.”

  “Sam, we can’t do that now.”

  “Why not?” he asked.

  She glanced over at Roarke. But he just stared back at her, one eyebrow raised. Okay, she wasn’t getting any help from him then.

  “Because we’re parents. We have Lily to think of.”

  “I wouldn’t do it when Lily was around.” Sam gave her a hurt look.

  “I didn’t mean that you would. I just meant…parents don’t do that, Sam.”

  “What? Have sex?”

  She shrugged, feeling a little foolish. “Of course they have sex. But just not that sort of sex. They don’t go around wearing no underwear, or having sex on the dining table, or against the living room wall, or on the rug in front of the fire in the study.”

  “They don’t?” Roarke drawled. “What sort of sex do they have then? What are they allowed to do?”

  “I must have missed reading the book about sex after parenthood,” Sam added.

  She let out a frustrated breath. “Stop making fun of me.”

  “We’re not making fun of you, Ava.” Roarke gave her a perplexed look. “We’re just trying to work this out. Did you really think we’d stop playing after having Lily? That we’d only have sex under the sheets in the dark?”

  She ran her hand over her face. “I don’t know. I just want to do this right. I want to be the best mom I can be.”

  “You are, baby,” Roarke told her.

  “No. I’m not.” Her shoulders slumped. “I’ve failed her once already. I won’t do it again.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  2

  Roarke, Sam and Ava

  Roarke studied his delicate wife. Her dark hair didn’t have its normal shine, her green eyes were filled with worry. Protectiveness stirred inside him.

  “Ava, what do you mean you let her down?” he asked her gently.

  “When she got sick. I shouldn’t have let it get to that point. I should have done something more…seen what was going on…I let her get so ill!”

  “That wasn’t your fault, honey.” Roarke put the scissors down on a nearby bench then cupped her face between his hands. “Children get ill. There was nothing any of us could have done to prevent it. Ava, Lily has the best mom in the world, there is no
way you failed her. Honey, things may have changed since Lily was born, but we can adapt to those changes and still have what we need as well. And we need this. If anyone has failed anyone, I’ve failed the two of you for letting this go on this long. You’ve both been hurting and I haven’t done anything about it.”

  She shook her head. “No, you haven’t. You never could.”

  He wasn’t sure that was true.

  “I just don’t want to mess up.”

  “We all mess up. Me, you, Sam, we’re all going to make mistakes. With Lily, with each other. But as long as we have love, trust, communication, we can get through anything. We need to talk to each other. If you’re feeling scared or unsure or like you’re failing, you need to tell us so we can help. The three of us, we’re a family. That’s what we do.”

  He opened his arm, drawing Sam in. “The two of you, and Lily, are mine to take care of. And damned if I’m going to let anything happen to us. I know I’ve been distracted lately, but that stops now. My attention is going to be more firmly on the two of you.” He looked at Sam. “That means no more acting out. Don’t think I’ll forget about tonight.”

  Sam grinned and winked at him. “I’m counting on it.”

  “Ava, do you know what Lily wants most? A mommy who is happy. Content. Relaxed.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “You’re right. I know that.”

  “Good.” He kissed her lightly.

  “Does that mean I don’t get to wear underwear anymore?”

  He grinned. “While the idea of you in a short skirt and no underwear is a damn pleasant thought, I don’t want Sam to spend every minute of his day bending you over whatever piece of furniture you’re closest to. So you can wear underwear. But not in here or the bedroom. And never these.” He ran his hand over her Spanx-covered ass then shuddered.

  “But—”

  “No,” he told her in his most commanding voice. “You have no lumps or bumps that need holding in.”

  “My body has changed since I had Lily,” she protested. “I’ve got stretch marks, and my tummy is rounder.”