Set Free: Kylie's Story (Rayshod) Read online

  Everything he had tried had garnered the same response. Reagan was at his wit’s end. He simply didn’t know what else to do. She was fading away before his eyes. She barely ate, was skin and bones.

  What was he going to do?

  Reaching over he grabbed some grapes.

  “Come on, precious, you need to eat.”

  She didn’t even turn his away.

  “Kylie,” he said, putting some warning into his voice.

  Still nothing.

  “Kylie, if you don’t turn over and eat these grapes, I’m going to take you over my knee and spank you.” Most men wouldn’t hesitate to discipline any women under their care if they risked their health the way Kylie was. Disobedience wasn’t tolerated on Rayshod, where men ruled their households, their wives submissive to them in every way.

  His brothers didn’t require strict obedience from their wives, but refusing to eat would not be tolerated.

  Kylie turned to face him, her already pale face growing sickly gray as her eyes filled with horror. What had he been thinking? She’d been abused, kidnapped, kept prisoner and here he was threatening to spank her?

  “Baby, I’m sorry, I…” he trailed off, unable to defend himself. He wished he could take the words back. Reaching out to touch her, he drew his hand back as she shied away, nervousness clear in her eyes.

  “Kylie, I didn’t mean it. I’m worried about you. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried everything I can think of to help you and nothing seems to work. I don’t know why I thought I could help you; I don’t even know what I’m doing. I’ve probably made things worse. Maybe Ian and Ben are right; maybe we need to find a doctor, someone who can truly help you.”

  He turned away, blinking back tears. If it would help her, then he would let her go. The last thing he wanted to do was make things worse or to have her fear him.

  “Let’s pack up and go back to the house,” he said, moving over to the picnic basket that cook had packed for them. He’d told all the servants they were married, the only person who knew the truth was Mason, and Reagan knew he wouldn’t say a word.

  “No.”

  He stilled in surprise before turning to look at Kylie. She stared up at him with big, blue eyes. She looked angelic lying there with her long, blonde hair surrounding her.

  “What?”

  “No, I don’t want to go.” She cleared her throat. “I don’t want to see a doctor. I want,” she paused then took a deep breath as though to gather her courage. “I want to stay here, with you.”

  “Baby, I want that too. I really thought I could help you. I care about you, Kylie. But nothing I am doing seems to help. It seems that every day you’re drifting further and further away from me. You’re fading away before my eyes and I can’t stand it.”

  Kylie hated the pain she could hear in Reagan’s voice, the anguish in his eyes. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. She realized how much she’d come to rely on him, to care for him. She actually felt something for him, something very real. And it terrified her. Her first instinct was to shy away from those feelings, to bury them so deep she would never be able to access them. Except, she didn’t want to drive him away, she didn’t want him to give up on her.

  “Please don’t give up on me. If you give up on me then I’m lost.”

  She held her hand out to him. He hesitated for a long moment and she thought he wasn’t going to take her hand. Then he reached out and engulfed her small hand in his large, warm one. Immediately a sense of peace stole over her.

  “I don’t want to give up, baby. But I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what to do next. And I live in fear of making things worse. I’m so scared that you’re just going to completely fade away.”

  That had been the idea. Until Reagan started to infiltrate the shell she’d erected around herself. Until she’d realized she actually felt something for him.

  “I thought that I wanted to be left alone, to just shut everyone out. Every time I close my eyes, he’s there. I have nightmares every night where he’s hurting me.” She closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath. Reagan squeezed her hand and she opened her eyes to look up into his blue eyes. “I just don’t know how to get rid of him.”

  Reagan was silent for a long moment. “You’ve been trying to protect yourself from feeling anything, but when you go to sleep he comes back.”

  She nodded her head.

  “Then we need to take away the power he has over you. We need to replace those nightmares with good memories.”

  “What? How?” It sounded impossible. Exhaustion pulled at her. It would be so much easier to just give up… but then she’d never see Reagan again. She looked up at him and a huge wave of sadness filled her at the idea of never seeing his smile, of hearing him call her baby. She wasn’t ready to give up yet.

  “I don’t know. But I’ll figure it out. You can’t give up, Kylie. If you do, you let him win. You don’t want that, do you? For him to win.” Determination filled his face.

  “He liked it when I cried out, when I showed how much he was hurting me.”

  Reagan cupped her face and heat began to thaw the coolness inside her. “No one is going to punish you for your feelings. I want to know how you feel, what you’re thinking. I know it’s not going to be easy, I know you’re tired and rundown, but just lean on me. I’m not going to let you down.”

  “What if I let you down?” she whispered.

  “You won’t. Not if you try.”

  Kylie bit her lip. “I’m scared.”

  “Me too, but I am going to fix this. I promise.”

  She wished she could be so sure.

  Chapter Three

  Kylie opened her eyes on a silent gasp. She glanced around frantically, her heart racing as she tried to control her breathing. Where was he? Where could she hide?

  “Kylie? Did you have a nightmare?”

  She barely held in a scream as the voice came out of nowhere. A movement of shadows as someone stepped forward. He was coming for her.

  Hide!

  She dove over the side of the bed. Where to go? Air heaved in and out of her lungs, making a hideous noise in the silent room.

  Should she roll under the bed? No, that would take her closer to him and she couldn’t stand to trap herself in such a small place.

  Instead, she slid her butt across the floor, moving frantically until her back hit a wall. The figure moved around the bed slowly. Kylie bit back a whimper.

  She drew her legs against her chest, clasping her arms around them.

  “Kylie? Baby, it’s me, Reagan.” His voice was soft, cajoling. “It’s Reagan. Here, let me light a candle.” Some shuffling then a soft light filled the corner of the room where she huddled.

  “I want you to take a deep breath and calm down. Come on, breathe in deep.”

  She shuddered but did as he said before she glanced up.

  Reagan. It was Reagan. Not him. Oh God, she’d just made an absolute fool of herself.

  She shrunk down into a ball, dropping her face onto her raised knees.

  “Kylie.” She heard him move closer, a soft thump as he sat. “Look at me, kitten.”

  She kept her breathing shallow, quiet.

  Go away. Go away.

  “Kylie, he’s not here. He can’t hurt you anymore. I won’t let him. Do you hear me? I will never let him hurt you again.”

  “He’s always here,” she whispered, “in my head.”

  “Look at me. Please.”

  She raised her head, blinking frantically until he came into focus. He sat a few feet from her, his legs crossed, his hand resting on his knees.

  “I won’t let him hurt you again and I am going to get rid of him, understand?”

  “How?” she whispered.

  “Come here.” He held out his hand. She stared at it for a long moment before moving forward to take his hand. He made no move to get any closer and gradually she relaxed.

  “I’m going to get rid of him by replacing every memory
of him with me.”

  She wrinkled her brow. “I don’t understand.”

  “For every bad memory we’re going to create a good one.”

  Kylie raised an eyebrow. “How will we do that?”

  “Well, for a start, it means that you need to talk to me. You need to tell me about what happened to you. What was your nightmare about?”

  She froze and attempted to draw back, but he tightened his hold on her.

  “No,” he told her firmly and her eyes widened at his tone. He’d only used that tone of voice with her once before, when he’d threatened to spank her. “No, I’m not letting you draw away. I know this is scary and overwhelming, but I can’t help you unless I know what he did to you. I can’t help you overcome this hold he has over you unless I know what I’m fighting.”

  “You can’t erase what happened.”

  “I know that, kitten. What I will do is take away his power, remove this hold he has over you so when you’re faced with the memories and fear you can fight back.”

  He tugged her closer, taking hold of her other hand.

  “I’ve been trying to take things slow, trying not to upset you, but that approach hasn’t worked. So I’m trying something different. Tell me.”

  She couldn’t ignore the demand in his voice.

  “Come on.” He stood and held out his hands. Trying to calm the slight tremble in her hands, she put her hands in his. Reagan pulled her up into his arms and carried her over to the large armchair he’d been sleeping in and sat, holding her tight against him.

  Leaning down, he kissed her forehead, leaving a scorching heat in his wake. Kylie felt overwhelmed from the nightmare, Reagan’s promises, and the feel of his hard body beneath her.

  “You’re safe here, in my arms,” he murmured in her ear. “I promise that there is nowhere safer. Tell me.”

  He ran his hand up and down her back and she buried her face against his chest.

  “It’s embarrassing,” she whispered.

  He stilled. “Why?”

  “What he did to me, it’s horrible and embarrassing and I don’t think I can… I can’t…”

  “Kylie, whatever you tell me stays between the two of us.”

  “Yes, but you’re the one person I didn’t want to know.”

  “Hey.” He tipped her chin up, his eyes gentle but firm. “Nothing that he did was your fault, you hear me? It is all on him. Nothing you tell me will make me think any less of you.”

  She lay still for a long time just soaking in his strength. “He used to ridicule me all the time.”

  “What would he say?” he asked her, tenderly running his hand through her hair.

  Tensing, she thought it through. What should she tell him? Surely not everything?

  “Kylie, take away the power of his words. Tell me.”

  Damn, there was that tone again.

  “He’d call me fat. He’d tell me that no one would ever want me the way I was, that I was disgusting, and that I was unlovable.”

  Reagan swore quietly under his breath. “That fucking bastard.”

  “In my dream, he’s got me tied to this bench and I can’t get away. I know that no one is going to rescue me. I’m stuck there while he hurts me, while he ridicules me.”

  She shook as memories gaped open and all the terror she’d felt at the Toad’s hands threatened to swamp her. She felt raw, vulnerable and it wasn’t a feeling she liked. She attempted to shove the memories away.

  “Oh, baby.” Reagan hugged her against him.

  “Can I go back to bed now?” she asked. Detach yourself. Forget.

  “Thank you for sharing with me. I know you’re holding a lot back, but I also know we need to take this in baby steps. I can be patient. Come on; let’s put you back to bed.”

  Standing, he carried her over to the bed. Setting her on her feet, he pulled back the thick blankets and waited while she crawled in. He tucked her in.

  “Wait, Reagan.” She grabbed his hand as he turned away.

  “Yes?”

  “Don’t leave me alone. Please.”

  He smiled. “I won’t.”

  ***

  Kylie awoke with a yawn. Surprisingly, despite the events during the night she’d actually managed to get a good night’s sleep. Feeling more energetic than she had for a while, she rose and walking over to the window, pulled the drapes back. Sunlight poured in, brightening the entire room.

  She wondered where Sophie was; normally the young, friendly maid was in her room when she awoke. She would help Kylie bathe and dress each morning. Oh well, she’d be in soon and in the meantime Kylie figured she would sit and just enjoy the sunshine.

  About twenty minutes later the door to her bedroom opened. Kylie ignored it, not willing to withdraw from the peaceful place she was in.

  “Kylie. Kylie.”

  Reagan knelt in front of her and grabbing her by the shoulders gave her a soft shake. “Kylie, focus on me. Now.”

  Damn, she couldn’t ignore that firm tone. Kylie blinked, staring at him.

  “There you are,” he said with a worried smile. “Are you ready to bathe and have some breakfast?”

  Kylie frowned slightly. “Where’s Sophie?”

  “I’ve given her and the other servants some time off.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because I want to look after you myself, I want you relying just on me. That may be selfish of me, but I don’t want anyone else around.”

  Kylie suppressed the pleasure she felt at his words.

  He pulled her up, and then sat with her on his lap. “I want you to listen to me, okay?”

  She nodded.

  “I spent all of last night formulating a plan. What I’ve come up with is probably going to be hard for you, but I want you to know that what I’m doing is with your best interests in mind. I know you don’t fully trust me, I have to earn that. But have I ever done anything to hurt you?”

  No, he’d looked after her, watched over her, made her feel safe. And she trusted him more than she did anyone else.

  “I want to show you that your body is nothing to be ashamed of. I want to replace every horrible thing that the Toad did to you with something good.”

  “Maybe we don’t need to do anything. I feel better already.”

  He looked at her skeptically. “You’re definitely making more of an effort and I appreciate that. But there is a long way to go. I know we barely touched the surface last night.”

  She shrugged, knowing it was true.

  “How did you sleep after we spoke last night?”

  “Pretty good.”

  “It helps to talk about things, Kylie, bad and good. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to push you, baby. I’m going to show you that he has no place in your head.”

  He squeezed her tight. “Since the moment I first saw you, I knew that you were going to be special to me. All my life, I’ve been the youngest brother, the one everyone looked after, guided. But this time, you need me and I won’t let you down. All I want you to worry about is doing what I tell you. Do you trust me enough to do that?”

  Could she trust him that much, her first instinct was to say no, but…

  “I don’t understand why you want to help me.”

  “Oh baby, because you’re smart and sweet and beautiful. I know that’s hard for you to believe but I intend to show you just how much I care about you. Let me do that, Kylie. Just put yourself in my hands, I promise I won’t fail you.”

  “And if I can’t?” She didn’t know if she could, she really didn’t. Part of her couldn’t believe him; all her insecurities about her worth were holding her back.

  “All I ask is that you try. If I push you too far, if I do anything to hurt you, then you yell stop, understand?”

  She nodded, nibbling her lip.

  “Just give me a chance. It is going to be uncomfortable and scary, but I do believe this will work. We’re going to get him out of your head.”

  She let out a shuddering breath. �
��All right, I’ll try,” she told him before she could talk herself out of it.

  He grinned. “You won’t regret this. I will take such good care of you, Kylie. Come with me.” He held out his hand.

  Standing, she took his hand, letting him lead her downstairs, past the formal dining room and living area, into the kitchen. She hadn’t been in here before. It was large, with light gray stone lining the floor and walls. At one end was the cooking area. The big fireplace was lit, flames dancing happily. Down the other end of the long room was a small oak table where she guessed the staff sat for meals.

  A huge tub sat before the open fireplace. A towel and some soap sat in a chair beside the tub.

  “I filled the tub up for you,” Reagan told her, moving forward and tugging her behind him.

  “You filled it yourself?”

  “Yes. Here, let’s get you into the tub.” Before she realized what he was doing, he had whipped her nightgown off over her head.

  Naked, she gaped at him. “W-what are you doing?”

  “Well, you can hardly have a bath in your nightgown, can you?”

  Her mouth opened and closed. He had totally shocked her.

  “Ahh, now I have your full attention, don’t I?” he said smugly.

  She reached for her gown, trying to cover her breasts and pussy with her other arm. Instead of handing her back her gown, he threw it across the room. Then clasping her around the waist, he lifted her, plopping her into the water. She sat, but only because she figured she could cover up her nakedness easier. Drawing her legs up to her chest, she clasped her arms them.

  “Reagan, what are you doing?” she asked eyes wide as he picked up the soap and a cloth and began washing her back.

  “I’m washing you.”

  “But why? I can wash myself. In fact, I’d rather wash myself.” She reached for the cloth, but he raised it higher, meaning she’d have to stand to reach it. No way was she doing that.

  “No,” he told her. “I’m washing you, just as I plan on washing you every morning.”

  She glared at him angrily.

  “Remember you promised to give this a try. Trust me.”